Getting dumped isn’t a fun situation to be in. Moving on from a nasty breakup requires copious amounts of ice cream, some alcohol, days spent in bed, nights with your girlfriends, and maybe moping and wallowing in your own misery while you cry over your favorite (or least favorite) chick flick. Sometimes when we get dumped, we don’t even really understand why. The break up seems even more painful when everything seemed pretty perfect up until that point. Unfortunately, that illusion of perfection is rarely true, and there is often some more insidious reason that your BF has pulled the plug on your relationship.
If you want to avoid another harsh breakup, pay attention to this list of what not to do (or a guide to reading the warning signs) the next time around!
15. When you always put your friends ahead of him
No one wants to play second fiddle to anyone else, and so your guy might consider dropping you if he feels you prioritize your friends over him. Don’t get us wrong, having a solid relationship with your girls is super important and downright necessary in order to get through life. But when you’re neglecting your BF or always putting him second in your life, he’s going to start wondering how much you really value him and your relationship together.
14. When you won’t let things go
You’re not perfect and he’s not perfect because you’re both human. He’s bound to make mistakes just like you do. But if you’re not able to let go of those errors and continue to bring them up, the inability to let those mistakes slide will become a roadblock in your relationship. He might view this a reason that you won’t commit, and as a result, he may feel like he’d be better off cutting his losses and cutting you loose.
13. When his friends hate you
His friends were there for him before you (and will probably be with him longer). If they’re not totally selfish d-bags, they’ll naturally want what’s best for him – and maybe for them that’s not you! Your BF may choose to ignore their warnings for a while, but that seed will already be planted, and it may lead to him look for reasons to dislike you based on their opinions.
12. When his family hates you
Even worse than having his friends hate you is having his family hate you. They’ve been around his whole life and care about him longer than you ever have, so you can be sure that he values their opinion. If they think something is off with you, or that you’re with him for the wrong reasons, or that he can do better, their voices might get inside his head and make him believe them – which spells the end for you.
11. When your values don’t match
If he makes it a priority to attend church every Sunday whereas you can’t comprehend the appeal of organized religion, he might feel the need to drop you in order to find someone who meshes better with his values. Sure, you both can probably get by these issues for a while, but when you’re so directly opposed in values, it’ll eventually become something that’s impossible to ignore, and a strong enough reason to cut ties.
10. When everything is always negative
No one wants to be around a Negative Nancy all the time. It’s emotionally exhausting to have to deal with someone who can only see the worst in every situation or who looks for it in any given moment! If you keep acting like you’re unhappy and you’re busy feeling sorry for yourself all the time, he’s going to start thinking he’s doing something wrong. Eventually, he’s going to cut ties with you in order to preserve his own mental health and emotional stability.
9. When you both want different things
This is a biggie, and it often comes from a lack of proper communication. Sure, maybe you two started out as a hookup, and now you’ve decided that you’d like something more serious and exclusive. However, maybe he hasn’t changed his mind beyond keeping you as a friend with benefits. Or maybe you’re looking for marriage, children, and a home together whereas he’s still dealing with the fallout from his last live-in ex and isn’t ready to settle down right away again. Or it could be vice-versa, with him wanting a commitment and you not ready to take that step just yet.
8. When he knows you’re not The One
Sometimes it hits you like a lightning bolt, and other times it’s like a nagging feeling that keeps creeping its way into your brain. But discovering that the person you’re with simply isn’t The One is heart-wrenching. If your BF (or fiancé, or, heck, maybe even husband) is the one to follow their gut feeling that the two of you simply aren’t meant to be together, he may choose to listen to that feeling sooner rather than later (which is probably the better time to do something about it).
7. When you break his trust
When you enter into a relationship, it’s understood that trust will eventually develop and grow between the two of you. However, if you’re letting your jealousy take the wheel, then you’ve shown him that you don’t trust him – which makes him not trust you. Often, those who perceive their partner to be cheating have a less-than-clean record themselves. In effect, they want to direct blame before getting found out. If that’s not the case for you, it could just be that you’re letting your insecurity get the better of you, causing you to check his phone, go through his social media private messages, pop into his email, and snoop through his personal things in order to find evidence of his indiscretions. Your lack of trust in him may also cause him to mistrust you, and he won’t want to be around someone who is constantly looking for a reason to disbelieve him in everything he does.
6. When you won’t let him have a life
You’re in love (or in lust), and being with your guy has become the favorite part of your day. Maybe it becomes the ONLY part of your day. You may not realize this, but maybe your time with him has gotten to the point where you’re suffocating him and preventing him to live his own life. This gets worse when you’re constantly suspicious of his actions, you attribute more meaning to a glance or a word to another woman, you try to do everything with him, and you refuse to do anything without him. That lack of independence signifies a deep insecurity, and clinginess is a major reason many men choose to leave their GFs. That’s because they can’t deal with that level of jealousy and endless attention! He WANTS you to have your own life with your own interests. If you’re only interested in him (to the point of obsession), he’ll see that for the desperation it is. Desperation and clinginess are unattractive qualities in men or women, and so if he uses it as a reason to dump you, you can’t even blame him, because you’d do the same!
5. When you move too fast
A surefire way to scare the crap out of the dude is to start telling him that you’ve picked out your children’s names and that you’re hoping for a beach getaway wedding (but could settle for a simple garden affair, as well). Moving that fast is just asking to be dumped. It’s hella scary to start talking about spending the rest of your lives together when you haven’t even started leaving a toothbrush at his place.
4. When there’s someone else
This one stings a lot, but sometimes there’s just no way around it. At some point in your relationship, you drifted apart enough that you’re feeling like you’re simply not enough for him, and now someone new caught his eye. Instead of putting the blame on you, consider the fact that there’s something lacking in the relationship itself, and that’s why his eye was wandering elsewhere. Being in love with someone who has fallen for someone else is a tough spot to be in, but could be a blessing in disguise. He may be the one to call it quits before you’re ready to pull the plug, but in the end it could be good for you. Think of it this way: at least you’re not being strung along by a man who has feelings for another woman. He may have taken a while to admit that someone else has entered the picture and captured his heart, but the truth is that he was looking for a way out beforehand, and this other woman gave him the extra push he needed.
3. When there’s too much drama
Excitement in a relationship is a good thing, because it keeps things fun and fresh. But when there’s constantly one dramatic situation after another, it can get exhausting to deal with. A woman (or a man) who’s too high-maintenance is just unattractive. Seriously, ain’t nobody got time for that! If you’re bringing the drama without any good reason for it, he may end up wishing for his simpler single days when he only had to worry about himself (and maybe a pet or something).
2. When you cheat
We’ve already said that when there’s someone else for him, he’s likely to dump you ASAP. But when you’ve been with someone else and he finds out about it, then he may end up dumping you way sooner. It’s a total breach of his trust when you step out on him. While women often associate their S.O. cheating on them as a sign of their shortcomings, men may not even look that deeply into it and just use your infidelity as proof that you’re just a sucky person.
If you’ve cheated on your guy, then there’s something your existing relationship isn’t providing you with, and you need to figure out what that is before you hurt him again. Cheating puts cracks in the foundation of a relationship, and once he’s found out that you’ve been with someone else at the same (and kept quiet about the whole thing), he’s likely to leave you. He’ll conclude that emotionally (and perhaps physically) you’ve already left him. And, sweetheart, you’ll really have no one to blame but yourself.
1. When he’s just not happy
Sometimes it really is this simple and complex at the same time. You both get along great, do fun things together, and many people may see you as the ideal couple. But behind closed doors, that’s not the case. Maybe at some point you’ve become more like roommates or friends than partners. Maybe one of you feels like you’re being held back from what you’re meant to be doing. Or maybe you both just want something more out of a relationship that you’re just not getting. When your guy is unhappy in the relationship, it can be hard to put his finger on what exactly is wrong. That’s usually because there were a bunch of little things that added up over time. Maybe you weren’t who he thought you were, or your relationship wasn’t what he hoped for. Whatever the reason, he just wants to end things now before things get more serious than they already are. The bottom line is a relationship should make you happy to be in it. If he’s not, then you wouldn’t want to be stuck in misery either.